Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Battle's Not Mine...

As those of you close to me know, I have fought a long, hard battle my whole life it seems. I say this not to elicit pity from anyone. I don't want it or need it. Yet, I take one step forward, and I get pushed twenty steps back. It's like I'm trying to turn around on a one way street (or make a U-turn, which is nearly IMPOSSIBLE here in Colorado Springs)! Ha Ha!

Until the past two weeks, I had imagined that the past YEAR so far had been the absolute WORST of my entire life! One should always be careful what they say! It can ALWAYS get worse, and more often than not, does! Especially, when one is trying to live a "Christian" life, which I have been trying to do of late. So, knowing what I know and being raised as I was a raised in a loving, tight-knit Pentecostal home with the vast majority of my extended family ALSO being Pentecostal, it should come as NO surprise to me that the Devil is doing His utmost to destroy me right now.

I have changed A LOT of things in my life in the past few weeks. I've changed a lot of my lifestyle behaviors, I've let a lot of people go that didn't bring anything positive to my life, and I'm still making changes...And I don't care what other people think about those changes.

It doesn't matter exactly WHAT it is that I'm going through right now. Those close to me know, God knows. I miss home SO much right now. I miss my family. I call & IM & email for prayers. I need them now more than I ever have in my entire life. I miss my MeMa. I miss my Dad. I miss having my Mom right there holding me and telling me, "God is going to get you through this." Even when you know this deep down in the core of your being, it is SO hard when you are physically ALONE! That is when the Devil comes in and tries to get you because you are at your most vulnerable.

So, in my head, all day long, I think about this song, that I first heard as a teenager at this little bitty Church of God in Franklinton, North Carolina and then I think my mom ended up singing it later...But it has helped me so much this week....



"The battle's not mine," said Little David,
"Lord, it's Thine, I'm in Your favor.
I'm giving it all to You, I knew not what to do.
I'm so glad You let me see, You're really all that I need.
For the battle's not mine, I give it to You, Lord, it's Thine."

1. Little David looked so small, Goliath looked so tall,
The odds were just too high for Little David.
So he shook off all of his load for with the power of God he was bold,
He said, "The battle's not mine, I give it to You, Lord, it's Thine."


2. A Little David he stood tall, now Goliath seemed so small,
Sweet victory had reigned for Little David.
He gave the battle to One with a record for getting things done,
He said, "The battle's not mine, I give it to You, Lord, it's Thine."

CHORUS: twice

There is still SO much uncertainty...I don't know what's going to happen. I am just trying to hold on with everything I have right now. God knows I can't take anymore, so I have to believe He's going to start taking some of this off of me if I will let Him! I have already let some of it go. So, here's the rest Lord. Take it! I can't carry it anymore. I'm giving it all to You! I need You to carry me this time!

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