Thursday, April 16, 2009


"Delay never thwarts God's purposes, it only polishes His instruments"

[Portions borrowed from someone else, but SO pertinent in MY life!]

This journey can be so hard at times...well MOST of the time. But I can honestly look back on the last 2 years and although I wouldn't want to do them over again, I am thankful for them. Some days, I have REALLY bad days, and I wonder why God even keeps me here! I can be mean, heartless, unforgiving, selfish, impossible...the list goes on and on.

I know that God wants to do a great work in my life. I know that I am being refined ("polished") and I know that this is good! It is so painful to be "broken", and I have been broken so many times in the last 2 years. But I believe God has to bring us to a point sometimes where there is nothing else that we can control.....nothing else to hold onto except Him, so that he can refine us...polish us. I am human and everyday, hour, sometimes minute is different, but I choose to trust God for His plan for my life. He can see the big picture and He has a perfect plan and it is good! I know that tomorrow I might be like "but God I really think it would be great if we could move back home to North Carolina." I might try to give God some advice (LOL)...but after every disappointment here in Colorado, every tearful day, etc...I will come back to the truth that God has plans to prosper me and not harm me....plans to give me hope and a future. God has a plan so much bigger than I could ever imagine and I am thankful for that!

There are days that I am going to fail at this. There are days that are just going to be "bad" days and I just have to realize that and say, "Today is not going to be my best day, but I'm going to do the best I can, and by God's grace, I'm going to get through it and move on to tomorrow!" This week has probably been one of the worst in the course of this journey. They seem to get harder & harder and longer & longer. But, at the end of the day, I realize when I am here in my alone time after everyone is in bed...If I was hopeless and lost & God was no where to be found in my life, why would the Devil fight me SO hard and try to make things so difficult?! The answer is simple...He wouldn't.

I hope that this blog helps someone who I want to give the words to, but don't know how. I hope someone in my circle is blessed by this, or that it is passed on to someone who is not in my circle and they are blessed. And as I sit here @ 10:00 PM and listen to the sound of "Taps" play over the loudspeaker on Post, I am sad yet strangely peaceful. My daddy would be proud.
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