Thursday, December 4, 2008

I wonder why....

I don't think there is any one of us that hasn't done something at some time in his/her lives that they have regretted. If I could make a list, it would probably go on for days & days. An online friend of mine is dealing with some relationship issues, and was asking for advice. My edited answer to her was this:

It sounds to me that neither of these men are "the love of your life" or your "soul mate". If either of them were, there wouldn't be a decision. You would know what to do. I'm not going to tell you to stop trying to decide on a guy, but I do think you should start looking at what's going to make you happy. Taking some time out for yourself might not be such a bad thing ~ a break from both of them. See what's out there other than these two guys. I know that I'm giving you the harder option, and after being in a relationship for so long, you probably don't feel up to being single. But, from experience, you have to choose for YOU. Think about what will make you the happiest that you can be & also what is best for your children. They don't need different guys coming in & out of their lives. They get attached to one, and then you decide that he isn't "the one" and then they have to suffer the loss.......Keeping a man around because you don't want to be alone isn't the answer. I know this first-hand. You are going to do what you want to do in the end, and I will support your decision. Just REALLY, REALLY think about what it is doing to your children. I am in no way judging, so I hope I haven't offended you. I am just speaking from my heart & my own personal experience. Once things are done, you can't go back and change them. I wish that I had thought more before I did some of the things I did. Good luck, girl! I will be praying!

This got me to thinking. About some of *my* relationships, about life in general, about my past, my present, my future.....So many times we are questioning ourselves, searching for an answer to something that we think is so hard! All along, the answer is right there in front of our nose. We just have to realize it. Often times, even more difficult than realizing the answer to the question, is ACCEPTING it...

Earlier tonight, I was asked some questions that pertain to this line of thinking and have been on my mind since I was asked them. I haven't answered the questions yet, mainly because I have been *thinking* about what my answers were.......So, I'm just going to put myself out there and answer truthfully. Here are the questions:

1. Are you still happy that your husband is in the military?
That is a hard question for me. I am happy that we are provided for, that we have a wonderful support group & people that would give us the shirt off of their back if we needed it and some of them pretty much have, that we have a wonderful home, food on the table, clothes on our backs, good health. I am happy that Tim is living his dream, that he is doing what he loves doing and what he has always wanted to do.
I gave up everything to come to family, my friends, my career. Is that hard for me? Absolutely! Sometimes I get so homesick I feel like I could die! Do I resent it sometimes? Sure. However, I love Tim with my whole heart & he is the absolute BEST thing to ever happen to me! He is so good to me & his children. He is a wonderful husband & father. I would follow him to the ends of the Earth if that is what I had to do to be with him. We have five BEAUTIFUL, healthy children! Even though one of them is not with us often, we are SO blessed! So, I gue
ss that ultimately, my answer is "YES!"

2. Do you blame the military (like hold it against them and use it as an excuse when you are upset) for making you move away from home? Honestly, no. I made a conscious decision to come to Colorado with Tim. I could have stayed in North Carolina, but my place is with my husband. It isn't the Army's fault. Tim & I chose to make this our way of life. Even though he made the final decision, and we discussed it, I went along with it. Sometimes, I do get angry about the choice I made & I just want to throw my hands up and go home. But ultimately, we are a family and family sticks together.

3. How would you handle if his orders were to another country?
Depending on what country, I don't really know how to answer that. If it were Germany or Italy or somewhere like that, I would actually LOVE it! Then, I would be able to see places that I wouldn't otherwise be able to see & so would my children. There are some countries that we would not be allowed to go. If that were the case, I would be VERY upset, I am sure.

4. Would you move back home if it was paid for by the military but it meant leaving Tim behind to stay and work? No, I wouldn't. Not unless he went somewhere that the kids & I couldn't go.

5. Are you done having children?

Yes. Having Dylan literally almost killed me. While I would actually LOVE to have another baby, my body just cannot take having any more children. I have, however, considered donating some of my eggs to families that are unable to have children.

6. How did you and Tim meet?
I was the Director at a daycare, and he was a parent there.

7. Was it love at first sight for you two?
Nope. I actually thought he was a conceited jerk when I first met him! LOL

8. If one of your best friends was cheating on their spouse, would you tell the spouse or would you confront the friend first and let them know they should talk to their spouse?
I wouldn't tell the spouse. I don't feel that it would be my place to do that. I would, however, talk to my friend about it & try to help him or her figure out why they were cheating and try to help them fix the problem.

9. Do you dye your hair or is naturally that pretty blonde?
I do dye my hair! :) One of my best friends is a stylist back home & she is THE BOMB! My hair is actually naturally brown.

10. Do you wear colored contacts or are your eyes really that color?
My eyes really are green and I have always gotten compliments on them! :) I do wear enhancers, as I like the way they look and I have to wear contacts/glasses to see.

So, there you have it! My answers ~ in all their honest glory! LOL

Enough for tonight. It is almost midnight here in Colorado, and I have GOT to get some sleep! There is talk of 1-2 inches of snow tomorrow in the Springs. This will be like the 5th or 6th time we have gotten snow since I have lived here. **SIGH** What SHALL this southern girl do about all this snow?! LOL

Anyway, this subject is To Be Continued....tomorrow. I have more to say!

Here are a few pictures of the snow we got on Thank
sgiving ~

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